Yeah, it was slow for sure. Thankfully I drive it in town and am used to not having cruise control, or my right leg would be in pain, and thankfully it has the 1.3L engine option, which is slightly less terrible than the 1.0L option.
Well, the update I have isn't very interesting. I got a compression tester and tested all the cylinders, and they all measure 120-125. Not good, but it has 250k miles, and it doesn't indicate a blown head gasket. So I figured okay, the head gasket must have blown the water into the oil, but then I looked at the dip stick and it was just oil. So I bought a funnel thingy and just put coolant back in it and it has been holding it so far. I never heard of needing a coolant funnel to properly add coolant, so I don't know what's going on, but if it isn't overheating and is running, I don't know how to proceed.
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